Of Men and Bravery

What makes you brave? Facing your fear or mastering your fear?

My first ever published article was on the meterosexual man. I won’t go back to discussing men who find it in their itineraries to visit nail salons and shave their legs on Saturday afternoons. That’s a personal decision and if there’s anything I learnt from being in a Christian university is tolerance, except for when you have to admit students who subscribe to a different religion.

I may not be the most politically correct person you’ll ever meet but I’m not the worst either. I have my good moments. I help the blind cross the road occasionally. I remind drank girls of their affection for dancing on table tops. I pet dogs and wave at cats. So from my life, you can see I do anything I can to give back to the community.

I haven’t received any recognition from any state organization but that won’t deter me from the cause. So I’ll proceed with uttermost caution because the last time I said I will not dance with a man I was given evil eyes and my soul had to sit by the corner with Judas’ soul. Bruce or Caitlyn (Spelled with a C not a K) Jenner is on your screen. I don’t know what the fuss is all about. A man, sorry, woman thought it would be great to let the world know he was struggling inside.

I think it was somewhat brave of him to come out of whatever furniture or corset he was hiding in. If I was in his shoes, his male shoes of course, I’d probably just chill there for a few more years and surprise everyone in heaven. As everyone walks in to the judgment hall, Jesus calms everyone down and I just walk on to the stage like, “What’s up snitches! No man stands alone. So I decided to be a woman and now I have the whole stage to myself.”

If I’ve lived as man for 65 years, a dozen kids and thousands of cumathons later, I’m not giving up my manhood to appear on any magazine cover or reality show. There’re plenty of reasons why. I don’t want to sit down when peeing! Who knows what Jane got from the last time she went to some bedbug ridden home. And who wants to remove every piece of clothing just because you want to pee?

I don’t think Bruce fully understood the responsibility of just walking around and being able to whip out your schlong and reassure the plants that hydration comes in many forms. The schlong is not only a relieving and pleasuring device but can also be used as a heating device. Many people that went to boarding schools and had morning preps knew the only assured source of heat was sticking one or both hands into your pants. I have no apologies for anyone I may have touched during this period. I was only performing induction.

What I consider brave is choosing to let go of the opportunity to have pre-mature ejaculation and blaming it on age. I don’t know what he decided to do with his schlong but he probably put in some glass and will show his grandkids what Olympians are all about. We also know white people keep things for a very long time.

He was a bit too clever about it though. The guy has been rich all along, what stopped him from living like a woman in 2000 before Kim choked on fame? One, he wanted to be a woman when he was well past menopause. Nobody wants cramps (I don’t know if you can fix a womb into a man but he played it safe) except for when you get stomach cramps from overfeeding.

Bruce did something bold but I don’t think it’s anything that needs worldwide recognition to the point of getting awards. Brave is dropping a troop of safari ants in your boxers and not flinching. Brave is letting out a fart in the elevator and blaming it on your crush. Brave is an animation, which I didn’t really understand. Heroes can be called brave. Soldiers who die at war, human rights activists and other people who put their lives and freedom on the line for the sake of other people are brave.

Bruce is confident and free after releasing himself from the shackles of manhood. I still don’t understand why anyone would want to lose their manhood just to be hit on by the random guy that sips on people’s drinks at the bar. In my eyes, which aren’t so good because of too much exposure, Bruce didn’t need to tell the whole world he wanted to be a woman if it was something person. People in Thailand do it all the time and they don’t do pre-reality shows and a billion interviews before going under the make-up.

The thing is most of us are quick to conform to anything the media portray. I’m not so sure I’d do everything the media communicates. Things like sex change are personal choices but just like death, sorrow, hatred, love and any other emotion or decision, only you can relate to it how you feel best. After seeing the Bruce thing I’ve made it a point to make sure everyone knows about every single decision I make. Today for example, I chose to take black coffee without sugar and gave a speech on how I got lost in a sugar farm as kid and don’t want to lose myself in sugar as an adult. I’m currently the Employee on the year because of my brave decision to face sugar.

I don’t know about you but I’ve made a choice to also come out and it feels great. The office was cold and the way the sun rays are reflecting on my Don Gorgon spectacles, I feel brave. Brave enough not to take a selfie. Embrace your bravery. Do something normal and make the world see it as the bravest thing a human can do. Take out the trash at night and don’t run back to the house. Don’t laugh at the funniest joke, it’s all in the little things we do. Be brave.